Angels and Cherubs Stickers: 24 Full Color Pressure Sensitive Designs (Pocket-Size Sticker Collections) (Paperback)
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| Not ultra-thin, but they do have wings. |
by Barbara Steadman (Author)
I’d like to begin with a warning. These fuckers, excuse me, angels and cherubs are pressure-sensitive. Now, normally I wouldn’t care, nor would I expect anything different from angels and cherubs. I mean, these aren’t stickers of rock solid unicorns, hooves thundering as they gallop menacingly across a harsh rainbow valley. Nor are they stickers of flowers, engorged stamens and pistils standing erect in a sticky sea of pollen that would make a florist weep and a nun swoon. Hell, they aren’t even stickers of David Archuletta. But, they are stickers, after all, and I don’t care how uncomfortable you feel smashing these adorable little winged, naked babies under your thumb, if you want to stick them to something, you have to apply some degree of pressure. And believe me; you’ll want to stick them just about everywhere.
If the sticker-fume-induced temptation proves too great, and you’re willing to risk bruising God’s infantile servants, fear not, because every time you break the wings off an angel, a bell stops ringing. Not only will you be helping to silence all those annoying bells, but your reckless sacrilege will also be rewarded with the instant beautification of the object upon which you’ve placed God’s miracle. Pee Chee folders, Grandma’s kitchen table, stickers of minority cherubs; all made better when you slap a naked Caucasian baby on them. And if that baby has wings, and if that baby isn’t really a baby, but is a full-color pressure-sensitive sticker of a baby, well that’s just (white) icing on the (angel food) cake.
That’s right, the description reads “full-color,” but that apparently means varying shades of whiteness, honky, and light blue, so Klansmen with penchants for cherub stickers need not be alarmed. Well, unless they really don’t like light blue.
Another minor quibble with the product description is that it reads “pocket-size sticker collection,” but, in reality, the stickers are significantly smaller than your average sized pocket. Either that or I need to fall in to the Gap post-haste, before someone notices these huge-pocket clown clothes I’ve been wearing. Regardless, the size of these stickers should prove adequate for most applications. Granted, if you’re trying to cover a pocket with a single sticker, then you’ll need to look elsewhere, but if you’re like most of us, and are just looking for a cherub sticker to punctuate a Christmas card, or to liven up a dreary earnings report to the boss, then stop looking elsewhere, and keep looking here-where, because this little paperback booklet of 24 stickers will meet all your needs… as long as you only have 24 needs.
If I were an Olympic judge, I’d award the Angels and Cherubs Stickers: 24 Full-Color Pressure-Sensitive Designs (Pocket-Size Sticker Collections) (Paperback), by Barbara Steadman (Author) a perfect 10, faster than an inexperienced Olympic judge in Beijing inflates the score of an underage Chinese gymnast with a fake passport. Alas, I must base my rating on a five star scale, and thus, I can only award this sticker book four out of five stars. What ultimately prevents this book from receiving a perfect five star rating is the strength of Barbara Steadman (Author)’s other work. You see, just as with Playboy, Highlights, and Taints and Teabags, I read sticker books for the articles. And compared to Barbara Steadman (Author)’s riveting portrayal of oppression, love, and existential despair in Glitter Flower Girl Sticker Paper Doll, or her witty, insightful and scathing satire of life under the sea in Mermaid Sticker Paper Doll, or even her critically-maligned Russian Picture Word Book: Learn Over 500 Commonly Used Russian Words Through Pictures, which was said to borrow too heavily from Dostoevsky, and to include too much Russian shit, the Angels and Cherubs sticker book just doesn’t measure up. It reads like a Dan Brown novel. It’s Barbara Steadman (Author) on autopilot, and as marvelous as that is, it falls just short of the perfection we’ve grown accustomed to over the years. But take heart Steadman (Author) fans. The sticky nature of stickers allows for cumulative stars. You can revisit a five-star work like the deeply moving Tina the Ballerina Sticker Paper Doll, affix a full-color cherub sticker (easy on the pressure!) to the cover, and brace yourself…you’ll be holding nine flipping stars of Barbara Steadman (Author) goodness. Yeah. I know.
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